The Way of Light as an invitation to the Dark to find a Deeper Light

It is said there are many paths leading to the top of the mountain. Whichever path is embraced and walked, embodied experience is key.

There is a heavy price we pay for self-awareness. Often as we 'become' more awake, more in tune with ourselves and our surroundings [environment] existence actually gets harder. The path gets tougher - risker. Suddenly what we were blind to we can now see. Can we carry on living blindly now that we can see with our ears, hear with our eyes, smell with our entire bodies and taste with our noses?

Eros = Way of light. All the Eastern religions or spiritual stances essentially are saying the same thing. Reconnect with ourselves, and by reconnecting with ourselves we have an opportunity to reconnect with the world. As we are interwoven with the world. But what’s next? And what is the point? Perhaps we have to find our 'Wide open skies' for ourselves, Interestingly there is pre-light that is a preparation to do deeper into the messiness, ambivalence, disappointment and contention that existence is - the East seems to be about preparing the individual to delve into the deep and hard things. And there is post-light. In short, the fight is for the deeper founder light. If it was not then there would be no point in healing and growth.

This suggests by default we are disconnected, floating around not sure of anything but our brokenness and frailty or not aware as the case may be. One reason why the world is in the state it is in is a reflection of the way we attend to ourselves and others. Subtly all from the East they are essentially talking about healing. And in more Japanese martial art terms browed from aikido, mind and body unification. Ai= to harmonise, bring into balance, tune in much like tuning a musical instrument. Ki= essentially the energy/core of the ten thousand things, Do= Way. Aikido= In short, Way of harmonising with energy. Ki is the key. Located in one’s Hara [centre], this concentration is dispersed throughout and transcends the entire body. Ki in Japanese, Chi in Chinese and Prana in Sanskrit is all nuance from the same source. It is said that without this energy, life would not be possible, and we would cease to exist. In Japanese, it is called Kishi, ‘death from lack of Ki’ [Tohei Book of Ki]. That is why the breath is crucial, it is a direct link to being alive, in movement and reciprocity. Back and forth, the energy that goes out is the same energy that comes back in. Even the beginning, ending and transition from inhaling [yin] to exhaling [yang] death is present. The breath symbolises this, hints, suggests and illustrates this. When there is no breath, there is no life, there is no movement and death has now taken centre stage. Whether we experience it or not, it is there, internally and externally. The body includes the spirit and the mind also includes the spirit. So, this is something about ‘becoming’ autonomous, establishing our ‘truer’ self. However, the East have its limits however much they propose and exercise no limits. Is there something more profound and deeper than believing or striving for ‘self-perfection?’ In short, can we really heal ourselves? Are there limits to this? why are relationships with self, others and the world crucial for healing? If perfection does not exist, then is self-perfection and self-preservation another lie we have to shred?

Perhaps we are caught up in a battle we are not fully aware of. And what are we fighting for?

In Chinese philosophy, according to Teo Te Ching in the first pictogram, it essentially says that we cannot reach the answer, Teo [Way] by intellectualising alone. The emphasis is always on experience, direct, and immediately lived. Husserl spoke of the ‘Life world’ or ‘lived world’ in phenomenology. In the West we are largely disconnected from experience, why? There are many reasons. Three that jump out are 1] Defence and 2] Fear 3] No trust. Our bodies are that link to/with experience. So, to ‘escape’ experience we have to find a way to ‘escape’ the body. Which interestingly is the undertone of the schizoid position. Grounded experience happens, and manifests where the feet are, not up in space where the head seems to float. Yet this head needs the body to keep it supported, grounded, and centred. In Aikido if we practice in a Way where we remain in our heads we are easily movable because we are not centred and thus our foundations are not stable. If we practice in a grounded Way we ‘become’ ‘immovable’ rooted like a mountain. The unbendable arm is an example of this. So, some of our disconnection is because we have ‘become’ too ‘in the head’ as heady people, floating around. Being disconnected from our bodies also means we are disconnected from the experience. Some of this is also because it has become a habit, what we have been taught but perhaps more crucially a defence. Hence why in Zen they emphasise the breath as the ‘link’ to the body. What they really mean is utilising the breath as the ‘gateway’ to experience ‘the moment’. But ‘the moment’ is always ‘here’. Although paradoxically the more the ego tries to grasp life in a tight fist the more life seems to slip by. It is like trying to grasp sand or soil or water. However, ‘the moment’ seems to be cut up into little moments that seem to amount to time. This is one of the functions of the intellect or Ego. Change is constant, and always in flux, the sun and moon do not rise in one moment and suddenly sets in another. No, there is change, ‘the moment’ is always dynamically moving. The sun and moon have their rise and fall, gradually. Often there is a lot we fear. Trusting ourselves takes time, and requires effort and work. In short, the nature of change is impermanence.

Fire-Water is the Japanese take on the Chinese Yin-Yang [Receptive-Creative]. Aikido is rooted in Daito ryu Aikijujitsu. The latter being more brutal and devastating. However, the ‘softness’ of modern aikido is often criticised for looking like a dance or not being realistic. Yet arguably is equally or more brutal as modern aikido does not have to be as directive and confrontational to equal the same results. But the main difference is that in modern aikido, the aim is always the preservation and unity of life and not the destruction of death.

The ‘energies of god’ are not clear cut, black and white, separated but in reality, co-exist simultaneously. However, at certain moments in life certain ‘things’ are accentuated, and the temperature is raised. For example, the break of worldly attachments and the suffering this brings. To see value in impermanence. And in some subtle sense, life is all about loss and gain, we gain to lose and we lose to gain is the beginning of honestly wrestling with ambivalence.

O’ Sensei also spoke about the Koto-Tama. It is the sacred sound vibrations of creation, very similar to the humming used in Buddhist, Tantric or Hindu meditation and Sanskrit. Every creation or creative act has a vibration, which means everything can be traced back to sounds as all vibrations create sounds, even if we cannot initially hear them with our human ears. Therefore, this includes all Aikido techniques. And as aikido is essentially manifesting the 'laws' of nature this means aikido techniques and their corresponding sounds are clues or links to spiritual laws/ 'The Way of Nature.' In aikido, these fundamental sounds are I E A O U. There are also five key principles; ikkyo, nikkyo, sankyo, yonko, and gonkyo. I wonder if this is a coincidence or not……..

In the kojiki the circle, square and triangle symbolise different principles that govern existence. Interestingly these shapes also hold significance in alchemy.

According to O’ sensei

‘The body should be triangular, the mind circular. The triangle represents the generation of energy and is the most stable physical posture.

The circle symbolises serenity and perfection, the source of unlimited techniques.

The square stands for solidity, the basis of applied control.’

The sun is of the heavens, masculine, from the creative side, white, known, which is where necessity =yang which is represented by the square. As the sword is lowered to make the cut – the out-breath.

The moon is the sister of the earth, feminine from the receptive side, black, unknown, which is where possibility is = yin which is represented by the circle. As the sword is raised for the cut – the in-breath.

The triangle is illustrated as the ‘foundations’ taken up in the basic stance, not only explicitly as shown by the position of the feet [which makes a triangle] but because a triangle is the strongest shape, as the weight/ force is divided equally to each corner from the Hara [centre].

These shapes are by no means segregated. It is common to see these shapes illustrated within each other, and this is to signpost that in any given ‘moment’ all possibilities exist simultaneously. Just as there is no segregating/ splitting of experience. Experience is what it is in its totality. It is us that ‘splits’ experience with our intellect-mind into manageable chunks to figure out what was/is unfolding. So, for example in maai [basic stance], the triangle, square and circle all co-exist.……

Even after the ‘action has begun’ there are still the options ura [behind]- circle, omote [front] triangle, irimi- triangle, tankan- circle. As nage raises his sword-yin, tori enters [irimi] while also raising his sword, which means he is also entering into yin, both are blending, in that specific moment. ‘The moment’ is fairly equal. The only difference would be that nage would be beginning to lose ‘the power’ of their strike as they are beginning to lose their balance-centeredness-foundations. Tori has the option to continue entering, omote or go ura and tankan and apply any of the principles in a sequence as the moment requires. As much as I have tried to illustrate that there are key movements that relate to ‘the shapes of aikido’ the possibility of each shape always exists. Furthermore, in all possibilities [circle] the centeredness- being centred, grounded- connected with one’s hara [centre] is the square that is always there, but being able to react say with an atemi [attack] is the triangle and the possibilities of ‘what can I do?’ is the circle.

In Aikido, the attack is towards balance/their centre, once their balance is taken there is nothing the other person can do apart from trying to regain their stability. The uke is in a way subtly forced to fight with himself. He is fighting with himself to prevent himself from falling. It is his fear of falling that fuels his motivation to try and stay up. He is fighting for stability; however, it is inevitable that when our foundations are swiped away, we collapse. Overcoming the fear of falling is one of the first lessons learnt; learning to fall safely without injury. Aikido’s martial roots cannot be ignored. However, O’ sensei always emphasised aikido as a spiritual [internal] martial art rather than a technical art. Hence when he spoke about Kon and Haku he wanted his students to ‘become’ more spiritual in nature. Yet Kon and Haku are both crucial to existence as we are humans and not gods.

On a Youtube video of Hitohiro Saito sensei, he explained that in the Kojiki Kami is made up of two words. Fire in Japanese can be Hi or Ka while water is Mi. Putting these together we get Kami which is Japanese for God. This suggests the divine is both fire and water, masculine and feminine.

In a strange way, the East can serve to expose us to the existential arena, the battlefield of life and death. There is no going back to the primal beginnings of innocence and salvation. We cannot go back to the womb. We must grieve this loss and ultimately let the desire to return to the womb go. If not, if this is resisted, we develop what Jung described as the ‘Eternal Child’ [Puer aeternus Latin for eternal youth].

That is why, the light is not enough. Those days are numbered. That time has passed, and those ships have sailed and sunk. Moran states we need anger and grief. Anger in its spiritual meaning = anger for truth. If this was not true then there would be no need for redemption = 'bring heaven down' and the earth 'up' to an earthly heaven and a heavenly earth.

Heidegger would add, our basic nature is to care. Because our very existence pains us suggests we do care, however much we try to pretend that we do not. Saying ‘I don’t care anymore’, and throwing our toys out of the pram is because we do care. That humanity is at the very least neurotic suggests we do care.

No profound healing and be brought to the self or others by believing or acting to sit ‘peacefully’ in a place of contemplating ‘the good life’ of enlightenment, in other words, to wait for ‘it’ or to 'become' enlightened and miraculously everyone is saved. There is no Santa Clause coming to save anybody. What angers us more about the divine, is that he does not protect the child's innocence.

So in a strange way, everybody is fighting for the light - otherwise, what are we fighting - to remain in darkness? On the flip side perhaps the darkness is needed for a time - perhaps it is from here that we can discover a truer, deeper and more profound light.

We need relationships initially to 'find' and 'discover' ourselves as Winnicott identified but then we also need relationships to be able to separate this merging with others. This is part of healthy development so that we are then able to find and discover who we are in relation to others and the world, and then see reality for what it really is [our place in the world]. Then on the back of this, depending on if we like what we see, then what are we going to do about it if not?

This blog originates and is inspired by Jamie Moran